You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
