just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
