Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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