isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
