I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
