I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
