You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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