The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
