i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
