So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize