He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
