Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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