wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
