I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
