I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
