I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize