you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Panties = found
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
