2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
