dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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