You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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