one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize