bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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