It's Friday. Sex?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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