She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
