fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
