shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
