Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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