how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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