They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
