Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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