Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
