bring money and cleavage
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
