Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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