Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
