i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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