Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
