I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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