she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
