You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
