i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
