I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
