new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You are the jesus of drinking
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
