Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found puke in my bra..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
