Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
