I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize