$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
kristin has been a bad kristin
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
