gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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