I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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