Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
