He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
