new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
