That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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