the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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