Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
