Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
