I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
