Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my liver is dry heaving
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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