Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
