I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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