You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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