Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
