Swine flu. Run for my life!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
