Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
