The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this beer tastes like vomit already
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize