Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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