do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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