I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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