dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
