You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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